How many of us have them

tehe so jw do u kno the song called "how many of us have them (friends)"

you kno the one with the lyrics:

Friends-how many of us have them
Friends-ones we can depend on
Friends-how many of us have them

these lyrics have been ringing in my head for a while now lol n it makes me think... how many of us really do have true friends? like i said in my last blog i believe outside of my family i have about 3 ture frnds lol not so much but thats what i really feel. these 3 i kno i could get on their nerves somtimes but they atleast tell it to my face that they r bugged by wut im doin so we could work out our frndship. i was watchin fruitbasket and wow its such a good anime i learned some good stuff. i learend that even though people praise you and say all these good stuff that dont mean that they really are your friends =/ frnds are people who well tell u what your faults are and help u through them mhmmm not just let u go on doin the wrong thing.

idk i think ill make this my 1 semester college blog too and how it opend my eyes. there are some people who are your "friends" in highschool and they tell you no matter what i will do my best to keep our frndship strong. but now that i went through college i feel as if they are the ones pushin me away to make room for new "friends" idk if this is just being jealouse but i feel as if as much as i try to keep the frndship its kinda not worth it...

Any ways i did meet some awsome people that cant really take the part of my old "friends" every one you meet has a place in your life that could never be replaced. this could work in 2 ways you have people who affect you in a good way and people who effect you in a bad way or both. lol wut ever imprint they leave in your memory it will never go away even if they add another memory the first will still be there. and i feel like umm the people that i met helped balance out the negativity i was feeling.

any ways home alone again washing cloth and cleanig =P
happy hollidays =]] ill write my new years blog soon =] 2008 has effected me so much its not even funny lol ne ways...

Peace. Love. Happiness.

Alwayz and 4ever

L.C.

FOOLISH TRAVELER

A foolish traveler was on a journey. He was stupid because he was easily tricked. The townspeople took advantage of him. On that journey, he was tricked into giving away all his money, clothes, and shoes. But the traveler was foolish, so when the townspeople lied to him saying, "This will really help," tears would stream down his face and he would say, "Please be happy."
When he gave away his last belonging, he was naked and ashamed to be seen. So he decided to travel in the forest. Then he met the monsters who lived in the forest. They wanted to eat him, so they tricked him with clever words. Of course, the traveler was fooled and when the monsters asked, he gave up his arms and legs.
Eventually, the traveler was nothing but a head. He even gave his eyes to the last monster he met. As the monster munched on his eyes, he said: "Thank you. I'll give you this in return," and left him. But that was a lie too.
His gift was a single piece of paper that had "fool" written on it. But the traveler cried and cried, saying: "Thank you. Thank you. This is the first time anyone's given me anything. I'm so happy. Thank you. Thank you" and tears kept flowing from his eye sockets, and while he was crying.....
......he died.


so i perdy much feel like this Foolish Traveler why you ask well really i feel like i give up so much and put up wid so much shit just to see my "FRIENDS" happy. You kno what i dont even kno if half of the people i call my frnds are actualy reall frnds . i know for a fact i have at least 3 that i will love forever im not gunna say who they are =P sucks for u you kno who u are i probly just told u recently. ne ways! yuh idk i feel like crap recently and today kinda pushed me over the limit lol im not gunna say why im not gunna write about it cuz yuh its only gunna hurt more if i come back and read their shit! all i have to say is im OVER with them and mostly him....

Peace. Love. Happiness.

Alwayz and 4ever

L.C.

random ass ness

ok soo like mark is still asleep soooo im just talk about some random shit lol. sooooooo lol ummm im done wid my first sem of college and i think i at least passed my classes. finals were shitty i cant believe that i forgot a major scale =[ that was a total failure on my behalf. but then again the song i chose to sing for the final was hella good and my teacher herra liked it!!! lol then lets see i had my Hum final next which i was hella scared for but it ended up being the ezest final ever!!!! i whish i could say the same about math lol im still trying to calculate how much i failed lol. and ima miss geology i didnt know i could have so much fun learning about rocks but i really did lol =]]]

ne ways lol so some guys r hella stupid and just wasted my time and energy. here i a trying to like make somthing work even though i wasnt sure if i wanted it but then he goes and like hella just leaves me lol wtf! whores =]. Omg though the last fuz was herra fun lol, alot of the interns were there so that was fun yet akward ummm ryan and jhar was there, ummm sean was there and lawrence it was just all good lol i think the was the best one yet lol.

sooooooo like im on winter vacation now and im like suposed to kick it wid hella people lol.
here is a list:
tori
jon
anh
ray
cousins
n herra other people lol to many for me to remember

ahhhh mark wake up!

Final Final lol

so i just got done with my final final lol n herra bored. rawr im suposed to kick it wid markie today but i think hes still sleepin so yah im doing this to kill time =[[[ he needs to wake up lol. ne ways ill blog more often again because i will have hella time!!!! kk bye

bitter goodbyes

its funny how u feel like u have everything, and then everything just falls apart

i feel like i just lost some of the most important people to me, just hope they take care of themselves.

pics: no edits

shitty day lol

omg i was so sad that i couldnt go to UPPS today i was like rawr!!!!! lol ne ways thats wut made it shitty. wut else did i do lol i cooked hella good lol. and also i let my brother drive lol. also ex boyfrnd is getttin on my nerves again lol this is his away message:

vbored and sad. what a combination..thanks for inviting me.. just love it...im always busy u dont even know..wish i was working since im always inVited there.. hurt!

LEAVE ME ALONE!! GET OFF MY NUTS lol thats wut i wana tell him

update

so i feel like i havent bloged in a while so im here to update. this past week i only went to school and day and it was good i have to say i like being at school more then being at home. lol why? because i actualy feel wanted lol. any way so i got to hang out wid one of my frnds at the beach on friday and that was fun but i really dono what im gunna do. i mean i like the guys but it seems like if i choose to be in a relationship it would be real hard for us to see eachother and i cant do that. idk if i should tell him we should just be frnds cuz we hella like eachother and stuff but yah idk 2 cuz it felt right when we were at the beach together lol idk well ima talk to him wen he wakes up and we shall see how it goes lol. Omg i just woke up lol and last night i went to Fuz and omg it was hella fun last night, there was so many cute guys!!!! i met sean for the first time and he was even cuter in person =] also ryan roa and joaquin was there so that was fun lol >.< i had a good time but alton was hella gone the whole time lol T.T next time he gets drunk i need a sober partner lol

photos i tock while walking

hell hole

ok im pissed sad depress all that good stuff rawr im fed up wid my family and my fuckin life!!!! this is gunna be another emo blog so im warning u now, n no u cant help me and i dont want ur fuckin help just leave me the fuck alone this is for me! ok ima say it here since i say it to my self all the time I WISH I DIE TONITE. do u wana know why the fuck i wana die so much ill tell u the reason why. i hate my fuckin life all the shit i go through not only physicaly but more so mentaly is just so freking retarted!!!!

first off i would like to say i wish i stayed not breathing wen i was born cuz if i stayed dead my family would be better off today! ur probly like dont say that they love u, i know they love my but the fuckin shit they do to me makes the love look like nothing. how can u say u love ur son when u say to his face that he ended up not turning out right. how can u say u love ur son when u say his oppinon is bad cuz hes not straight. how can u say u love ur son wen they treat u like u are just a maid at the house and they tell u what to do and u do it but if u mess up a little they yell at u. fuck i never got a frekin thank you form them! [mostly i hate my mom and brother]

i kno for a fact my mom is annoyed by me i could see it wen she laughs at my face. i hate it! i swear she is the one that said my opinion was wrong about prop 8 cuz im gay! omg just now just now this is what pissed me off this is what she loves to do she loves to make me look bad, especialy to my dad. i know im not what they wanted me to be. i know im not the man that they wanted me to turn out. im not like my brother a football player hella macho and my sister who is the perfect lil girl and they both look hella cute and handsome. i know they dont like me cuz im gay and cuz i look ferkin ugly i swear dont fuckin say im not cuz my pearents say that i am on a constant basis ok they tell me ur skin is ugly ur fat why cant u be like ur brother and play sports. omg that another this i fuckin hate is how they let my brother do all this shit why im tied down. is it cuz hes straight he getts all these muther fuckin privleges. i swear i clean the fuckin house and do all these stuff while my brother is on the computer or playin vidieo games!!! rawr it fuckin sucks!!! and wut i hate more is when im on the computer in my room my mom gets pissed but wtf my brother is always on the frekin computer. u kno why im always in my room is cuz i hate being around my family cuz i feel so unconfortable. omg and i have the most respect towards my family, i dont talk back i dont talk shit to my pearents but my brother does all this shit to them and they dont give a fuck it makes me think i should just not give a fuck and do what ever the fuck i want.

rawr im so pissed u dont even kno. i just cant wait till i could suport myself and get out of this hell hole. thx for reading im ok im just sick of my mom and fuckin brother

random day lol

• soo i seen a bluejay for the first time i think =]
• i got a hair cut
• i drank an avocado snow bubble =]
• played rock band woot woot got 99% on maps vocals on expert!
  

venting#1 part 2

so yah this is a run on frm my last blog. U kno about how I feel like shit around my family. Well ima go deeper into the subject and yee just to let it out. Rawr so first of all I would like to say I feel like shit. Cuz how can u not feel like shit wen people treat u like u are. I swear I feel like im freakin Cinderella but I never got to go to the ball but instead got suck in the pumpkin rotting. I swear like every day im not at school my mom has me clean and clean im ok wid it and I kno ima clean but wen she says that im lasy and don’t clean I just get fuckin pissed but I don’t show it.

Rawr I swear and then wen I clean its never good enough for her shes like u didn’t do this. Like for example she would tell me to wash the dishes and then wen im done shes like why didn’t u fix the food and put it on a smaller plate then cover it or why didn’t u clean the whole kitchen, im thinking I was only supposed to was the frekin dishes!! Omg u know what pisses me off the most is that my brother never has to clean ok he has school every day and he has football I give him that but umm I have college and its like 10 times as stressful as wutever he has and my mom always gets mad at me wen I sleep in well I frekin sleep in because im so drained frm being at school im at frekin school for like 14hrs or more!!!

Idk theres more that I wana tlk about but rawr im just so like stressed I cant think. I swear u guys I haven’t told ne one this yet but I been having really serious chest pains and its been getting harder for me to breath. I wake up because I have hard time breathing and sometimes wen I drink I feel as if needles are stabbing me frm the inside. I have a feeling I have some kind of condition but I don’t wana get it checked n I know my family has a history of people dieing frm heart attacks so w.e. we’ll see my family probably would be better off with out me, they could probably use the dish washer to replace me. Lol I kno im being fuckin emo but how can I help it. Rawr I wish I had the money to move out and get away frm this shit, I swear wen I move out ill never come home. Been my dream since child hood, go to school get a good job pay back my parents then never see my family again after that. I mean I always had another wish but ill tell u that personally its kinda really sad =P

venting#1

omg im like hella pissed my family is just pissin me off so much. omg so idk if i wrote about it b4 but ill make it short so perdy much me and my mom was talkin about prop 8 b4 it passed and i said i was against it. and she said to my face ur the wrong person to ask, she was laughin about it to. you have no idea how hurt i was and she has the nerve to joke around about it wid my dad i was like omg i hate life. i mean u gotta hate it wen ur perants talk shit about u. n omg i dont even feel like im their fuckin kid!!! i swear every day or every time i see them it always lance do this lance do that lance clean lance pick up ur brother lance pass me the phone. im like wtf leave me the fuck alone!!! i swear like just a few min ago i went out of my room to drink water and my mom was liek clean the kitchen u never clean blah blah blah, n i was thinking omg i alway clean this fuckin house every day im here how can u tel me i dont fucking clean!! my brother was right there just playin vid games and he never fuckin cleans an im in frekin college tryin to learn n they make me work rawr fuck my family!!! ill write more on this tmrw

RENT- new werk memorial

so yesterday i watched my frnds production of RENT omg i loved it!! i hella understood the musical better after watching it lol. my frnd did a good job as benny lol cuz he hella was a meanie lol. and i hella was sad after angel died i was like omg no!!!!! lol it was over all hella good, there was some people who cracked and some pitchy people but it was still amazing lol. congratz on a good show emmanuel

omg i 4 got

so i hella forgot yesterday that i was suposed to blog so here it is =]

so ill write about Thursday cuz i hella forgot to do that lol oops my bad. so ima tlk about the food first. so first of all arizona icedteas where hella on sell i was like omg yay!!!! i usualy drink 2 cans a day when i am at school but today there was a sale. it was 2 for 1.50 no i was like score!!! i hella ended up drinking 4 of them lol. then me bee and may go out for lunch lol, we were suposed to go to get quiznos but we ended up goin to a thai food place and omg soooooo yummy, i had duck fried rice yummmmo.

okey so after school i was up in riggo lol and i was watchin pokemon when i aimed my kuya and was like kuya im to shy to go to aqua, ne he was like no come! so i didnt wana cuz first i was hella late and also i was watchin pokemon. any way i ended up goin lol and there wasnt that many people lol so it was perdy chill. so we ended wid a ice breaker and it was to say ur name, color of underwear, and pet peeve. so omg one of the cuties was there and he was wearing black undies lol. n i learend me and may was matching undies lol

cuties [001]

so perdy much ima start a log of the cute people that i see lol and some of the people my frnds and i talk about lol. ne ways lol the list today is probly mostly gunna be of people frm school lol. [btw these are just people i think r cute but not crushes or nething like that]

1. omg so there is this one guy that i always seem to run into around school and hes hella cute but the thing is idk if hes gay lol. ne ways this guys name will be question mark lol. ne ways so today i was wid some of the interns and he was sittin on the same bench thingy lol and i seen him and i was like wow hes a cutie, he knows how to dress and he has a hella cute smile lol
2. next is a person if u hang out wid me u kno lol. so this persons has a nick name that me and my frnds use, the nickname is red shoes lol. omg may if ur reading this yes red shoes, ne ways i think hes hella cute lol and frndly =P lets just leave it at that
3. omg so this next person is called red shoes frnd lol, so this guy is also hella cute. he could dress hella good model stauts straight up lol. omg so im walkin to my car today and hes walkin the opposite way and we hella stare at eachother and im thinking wtf lol and at the same time i probly could guess that hes trying to think of who i am cuz i probly look hella familiar to him lol. new ways lol havent really talked to him but hes a cutie
   

list of stuff

ok since i dont have enough time to write about the stuff that happend to day ima write about them tmrw. but ima make a list of things for u to look forward to.

1. thai food
2. aqua
3. color of undies
4. hella cuties
5. riggo
6. arrizona iced teas
7. peein?
8. questions

lol thats it for now ill expand on thoes topics when i get the chance lol kk much loves

Peace. Love. Happiness.

Alwayz and 4ever

L.C.

humanities

omg so im in class sitting here waiting for the movie to start and omg lol, my teacher dono wut she is doin lol....

4 my bestestest bestie

this is for my bestest frnd who i love so much. since i cant ever see you i thought it would be nice if i said hi to you one one of the beaches that connect me and you

love you alwayz jaron goto!!!!
lol i will alwayz be here no matter what, you opened my eyes and im never closing them lol

prop 8

so this morning i was making my breakfast and eating while my mom was in the living room watching the news. on the news they where talking about the elections and the props and stuff. so my mom asked me what do you think about prop 8. im like no, and she is like no as in ur against gay marriage n im like no as in im for gay marriage. n she is like why thats not right and im like why is it not right. and she says that it says in the bible that marriage is for a man and woman. and i said all the people in the US arnt catholic and christian and follow the bible so why make a law bassed off of the bible. she told me its just wrong!

so she was silent for a few seconds and then she goes i guess your not the right person to ask about the prop. omg that just hurt me so much she wont even know, first of all frm waht she is sayin i guess in her eyes im some kinda nasty thing since gay people are so nasty. also it made me so mad im like why deprive gay people of rights and she is like its not met to be. but who is she to say its not ment to be, so what if it is said in the bible how do we know if the bible is truly the right thing, [not to hate on the bible cuz im catholic and i know it has good]. but yah i was so pissed i was like omg my mom is sayin that my opinion isnt valid or wrong since i am gay!

rawr right now i feel dissapointed and like idk. the feelings how it was wen i came out to her just came bak, how she feels like i turned out wrong. idk ne ways leme kno what u think lol

Peace. Love. Happiness.

Alwayz and 4ever

L.C.

halloween

First of all lol cuz i havent said it yet i cant spell for shit! lol n i refuse to use spell check but that is not why i am writeing today lol =]

So today is Halloween which is one of my favorite hollidays of the year lol just cuz i love to make my costume and dress up =]. ne way so leme tlk about a 2 nights ago lol which is when i made my costume, omg my costume sucked this year but i think people understood what it was once they saw it [pics are on top] so what i did was i made a costume of Ash Ketchum from pokemon lol, YES POKEMON. so perdy much how i made it was i got a black shirt, jeans, and a blue jacket but what i was so proud of is the hat i made =]

so now ima tlk about yesterday woot woot. it was a hella good day for me lol. First of all me bee and may go to lucky chances and to eat on omg the food was soooooo good lol and that was just hella fun. next i go up to rigo and my frnd tells me that i won this raffle n im like omg i never win!!! the thing is though i didnt get my prize lol so that was all bad.

what made the night really special was KAP Fright Night woot woot. KAP is the kuya ate program btw. soo like fright night every one suposed to dress up while we watch a hella scary flip movie omg i still get chills thinkin of that movie. ne ways so me and my KAP fam bam where like the the people who where the most scared i swear i didnt watch half of the movie. but thats besides the point. here is what that night hella good! so we had a costume contest and guess what me my ate and arianna won the group catagory yay!!! ill post pics of that too lol. and it was just hella fun cuz i felt like every one was family and lol every looked hella cute =P

sooooo lets talk about tonite. well i was stuck at home alone lol. i was suposed to give out candy but hella didnt lol =] ne ways i would like to say happy bday to nem's mommy cuz i couldnt stop by today =[. well so perdy much the reason why im blogin is cuz im so bored here alone!!!! rawr this was suposed to be one of the funnest days in the year but it was boring lol..

Peace. Love. Happiness.

Alwayz and 4ever

L.C.

ps omg im so happy it just started raining with rain comes a new beginning

Damage: By Words??

So today was an eye opener for me, it was the last of the 3 Pinayism workshops. I’m not allowed to say what happened in the workshop but I’ll tell u that it was an eye opener. It made me think about my word choice and how I use certain words. For example I say BETCH a lot, which is pretty much saying BITCH, when I talk to my friends or when I address my friends. The way I use it or how I think I use it is just for fun not to put anyone down but it’s just kinda like a little tease. But when I think of it there is go connotation when it comes to that word. Pretty much by using that word you are putting your friend down by using that bad word, it could be all fun but in a deeper sense when it comes down to it there is that bad connotation.

This experience also opened my eyes at how I treat my friends. I would joke around with them saying things like you’re a FAILURE or putting them down by saying what ass. I know I meant this as a joke or I say it as second nature but to that person even though they don’t show it I may be hella hurting them. During the activity my eyes where opened and I seen how wrong I was I felt so bad for the things I have done even though I didn’t mean any harm. I feel like I failed as a friend and that I’m not as good as I think I am. I used to think I over look situations but then I see now that I don’t pay attention to my words and actions towards my friends and a lot of what I say is really harsh and may offend them.

Most of what I been sayin has been about my action towards women but it also may apply to how I act towards my male friends. It is not only women that are put down in this way, I mean girls holler at guys and also say eww if an ugly guy passes by. Women also sometimes call men stupid or meat heads. I’m not sure where I am going with this but ima stop wid this topic. Yah first blog so if u wana comment and ask questions or talk about it I would love to lol and I would also love to see ur opinion on this subject =].

Peace. Love. Happiness.

Alwayz and 4ever

L.C.

expectations

So I just made another blog a few seconds ago and it made me think about why people are what they are. To be more specific I’m going to talk about a personal subject, which is how my family wants me to be vs. the true me. So first I have to just come out or else you wouldn’t get why I am writing this. So I am a Filipino first born male, which sounds like a normal thing, but the twist is that I am GAY. I am semi open and I guess by writing this blog who ever reads it will know I’m gay [btw I would appreciate it if you didn’t spread this which I will explain later].

So now that you know my background kind of ima get into what I was SUPPOSED to be. So I was raised to think that a man should be a man, he should be strong, athletic, and most of all do not act like a woman. In my family if you are womanly you would be looked at as if u had something physically wrong wid ur face. What I am trying to say is that if u don’t act like a man u will be hated on by the people that is supposed to be there for u. Here is my situation, I came out to my parents earlier this summer and I thought since they said they would always love me and nothing could change that, that they would be accepting of me. Like I said earlier if I where to act womanly I would be hated on or at least seem like I am a mistake or seem like I have some kind of bad disease that no one wants to be around.

This is what happened I told my mom, she was hella sad because she felt like she failed in raising me. Then she seemed to hate me because I told her I was BI [again that’s why I don’t want ne one in my family to know im gay cuz that would make them loose hope in me]. But now she is just quiet about it but I know that she is really uncomfortable. I guess what I am tryin to say is that in their eyes I am a failure as a man or I was a product that came out wrong.

Perdy much I hella went in a different direction frm wut I wanted. I was supposed to say how boys growing up is afraid to show emotion or be womanly because they are not supposed to do that because they are men. But I went on about my own story lol. Which I am about to continue lol.

So idk perdy much im kinda afraid to be who I am around my family because I already know that I wont be accepted for who I am. And I understand why they don’t, they where brought up to believe that things should be a certain way. To them Men should act like Men, but as I see it in our generation people are more open to more things. I think that as long as it is not harming you and any way, then u should just leave it alone.

Ima stop there cuz I feel there is to much to talk about lol ill write about those later.

Peace. Love. &Happiness

Alwayz and 4ever

L.C.

idk why i try

So there is this guy I am not gunna say his name but ill call him A lol. well alot of you especialy my frnds would know who this is right wen i explain the story. Well first of all i have been knowin this guy for quite some time now. Whats so special abou this guy is that he has been my biggest crush for like ever. The problem is i keep on fallin in and out of love with this guy, i kno that i really like him but i cant do any thing about it. I dont know why i even try cuz i kno that nothing will happen between us.

What makes this even worse is that A sends me mix signals that i know i should be immune to now but the truth is lol it still makes me smile each time he flirts. OMG and he has the cutest smile in the world that is how he like hooked me lol. lol mhmm now the people that kno is like omg i kno who this guy is lol. any ways so like im tlkin to A at this moment and im kinda sad cuz like he knos i like him yet i kno he dont like me lol and he tells me about all these guys hes tlkin to and w.e. and idk why i still talk to him.

The reason why im really writeing this is cuz like i feel as if i wana be wid him but i could never and i wonder why cant i just let go lol. im a loss cause ewwwww. but yah ill write a few more blogs today lol cuz i been skippin