expectations

So I just made another blog a few seconds ago and it made me think about why people are what they are. To be more specific I’m going to talk about a personal subject, which is how my family wants me to be vs. the true me. So first I have to just come out or else you wouldn’t get why I am writing this. So I am a Filipino first born male, which sounds like a normal thing, but the twist is that I am GAY. I am semi open and I guess by writing this blog who ever reads it will know I’m gay [btw I would appreciate it if you didn’t spread this which I will explain later].

So now that you know my background kind of ima get into what I was SUPPOSED to be. So I was raised to think that a man should be a man, he should be strong, athletic, and most of all do not act like a woman. In my family if you are womanly you would be looked at as if u had something physically wrong wid ur face. What I am trying to say is that if u don’t act like a man u will be hated on by the people that is supposed to be there for u. Here is my situation, I came out to my parents earlier this summer and I thought since they said they would always love me and nothing could change that, that they would be accepting of me. Like I said earlier if I where to act womanly I would be hated on or at least seem like I am a mistake or seem like I have some kind of bad disease that no one wants to be around.

This is what happened I told my mom, she was hella sad because she felt like she failed in raising me. Then she seemed to hate me because I told her I was BI [again that’s why I don’t want ne one in my family to know im gay cuz that would make them loose hope in me]. But now she is just quiet about it but I know that she is really uncomfortable. I guess what I am tryin to say is that in their eyes I am a failure as a man or I was a product that came out wrong.

Perdy much I hella went in a different direction frm wut I wanted. I was supposed to say how boys growing up is afraid to show emotion or be womanly because they are not supposed to do that because they are men. But I went on about my own story lol. Which I am about to continue lol.

So idk perdy much im kinda afraid to be who I am around my family because I already know that I wont be accepted for who I am. And I understand why they don’t, they where brought up to believe that things should be a certain way. To them Men should act like Men, but as I see it in our generation people are more open to more things. I think that as long as it is not harming you and any way, then u should just leave it alone.

Ima stop there cuz I feel there is to much to talk about lol ill write about those later.

Peace. Love. &Happiness

Alwayz and 4ever

L.C.