halloween

First of all lol cuz i havent said it yet i cant spell for shit! lol n i refuse to use spell check but that is not why i am writeing today lol =]

So today is Halloween which is one of my favorite hollidays of the year lol just cuz i love to make my costume and dress up =]. ne way so leme tlk about a 2 nights ago lol which is when i made my costume, omg my costume sucked this year but i think people understood what it was once they saw it [pics are on top] so what i did was i made a costume of Ash Ketchum from pokemon lol, YES POKEMON. so perdy much how i made it was i got a black shirt, jeans, and a blue jacket but what i was so proud of is the hat i made =]

so now ima tlk about yesterday woot woot. it was a hella good day for me lol. First of all me bee and may go to lucky chances and to eat on omg the food was soooooo good lol and that was just hella fun. next i go up to rigo and my frnd tells me that i won this raffle n im like omg i never win!!! the thing is though i didnt get my prize lol so that was all bad.

what made the night really special was KAP Fright Night woot woot. KAP is the kuya ate program btw. soo like fright night every one suposed to dress up while we watch a hella scary flip movie omg i still get chills thinkin of that movie. ne ways so me and my KAP fam bam where like the the people who where the most scared i swear i didnt watch half of the movie. but thats besides the point. here is what that night hella good! so we had a costume contest and guess what me my ate and arianna won the group catagory yay!!! ill post pics of that too lol. and it was just hella fun cuz i felt like every one was family and lol every looked hella cute =P

sooooo lets talk about tonite. well i was stuck at home alone lol. i was suposed to give out candy but hella didnt lol =] ne ways i would like to say happy bday to nem's mommy cuz i couldnt stop by today =[. well so perdy much the reason why im blogin is cuz im so bored here alone!!!! rawr this was suposed to be one of the funnest days in the year but it was boring lol..

Peace. Love. Happiness.

Alwayz and 4ever

L.C.

ps omg im so happy it just started raining with rain comes a new beginning

Damage: By Words??

So today was an eye opener for me, it was the last of the 3 Pinayism workshops. I’m not allowed to say what happened in the workshop but I’ll tell u that it was an eye opener. It made me think about my word choice and how I use certain words. For example I say BETCH a lot, which is pretty much saying BITCH, when I talk to my friends or when I address my friends. The way I use it or how I think I use it is just for fun not to put anyone down but it’s just kinda like a little tease. But when I think of it there is go connotation when it comes to that word. Pretty much by using that word you are putting your friend down by using that bad word, it could be all fun but in a deeper sense when it comes down to it there is that bad connotation.

This experience also opened my eyes at how I treat my friends. I would joke around with them saying things like you’re a FAILURE or putting them down by saying what ass. I know I meant this as a joke or I say it as second nature but to that person even though they don’t show it I may be hella hurting them. During the activity my eyes where opened and I seen how wrong I was I felt so bad for the things I have done even though I didn’t mean any harm. I feel like I failed as a friend and that I’m not as good as I think I am. I used to think I over look situations but then I see now that I don’t pay attention to my words and actions towards my friends and a lot of what I say is really harsh and may offend them.

Most of what I been sayin has been about my action towards women but it also may apply to how I act towards my male friends. It is not only women that are put down in this way, I mean girls holler at guys and also say eww if an ugly guy passes by. Women also sometimes call men stupid or meat heads. I’m not sure where I am going with this but ima stop wid this topic. Yah first blog so if u wana comment and ask questions or talk about it I would love to lol and I would also love to see ur opinion on this subject =].

Peace. Love. Happiness.

Alwayz and 4ever

L.C.

expectations

So I just made another blog a few seconds ago and it made me think about why people are what they are. To be more specific I’m going to talk about a personal subject, which is how my family wants me to be vs. the true me. So first I have to just come out or else you wouldn’t get why I am writing this. So I am a Filipino first born male, which sounds like a normal thing, but the twist is that I am GAY. I am semi open and I guess by writing this blog who ever reads it will know I’m gay [btw I would appreciate it if you didn’t spread this which I will explain later].

So now that you know my background kind of ima get into what I was SUPPOSED to be. So I was raised to think that a man should be a man, he should be strong, athletic, and most of all do not act like a woman. In my family if you are womanly you would be looked at as if u had something physically wrong wid ur face. What I am trying to say is that if u don’t act like a man u will be hated on by the people that is supposed to be there for u. Here is my situation, I came out to my parents earlier this summer and I thought since they said they would always love me and nothing could change that, that they would be accepting of me. Like I said earlier if I where to act womanly I would be hated on or at least seem like I am a mistake or seem like I have some kind of bad disease that no one wants to be around.

This is what happened I told my mom, she was hella sad because she felt like she failed in raising me. Then she seemed to hate me because I told her I was BI [again that’s why I don’t want ne one in my family to know im gay cuz that would make them loose hope in me]. But now she is just quiet about it but I know that she is really uncomfortable. I guess what I am tryin to say is that in their eyes I am a failure as a man or I was a product that came out wrong.

Perdy much I hella went in a different direction frm wut I wanted. I was supposed to say how boys growing up is afraid to show emotion or be womanly because they are not supposed to do that because they are men. But I went on about my own story lol. Which I am about to continue lol.

So idk perdy much im kinda afraid to be who I am around my family because I already know that I wont be accepted for who I am. And I understand why they don’t, they where brought up to believe that things should be a certain way. To them Men should act like Men, but as I see it in our generation people are more open to more things. I think that as long as it is not harming you and any way, then u should just leave it alone.

Ima stop there cuz I feel there is to much to talk about lol ill write about those later.

Peace. Love. &Happiness

Alwayz and 4ever

L.C.

idk why i try

So there is this guy I am not gunna say his name but ill call him A lol. well alot of you especialy my frnds would know who this is right wen i explain the story. Well first of all i have been knowin this guy for quite some time now. Whats so special abou this guy is that he has been my biggest crush for like ever. The problem is i keep on fallin in and out of love with this guy, i kno that i really like him but i cant do any thing about it. I dont know why i even try cuz i kno that nothing will happen between us.

What makes this even worse is that A sends me mix signals that i know i should be immune to now but the truth is lol it still makes me smile each time he flirts. OMG and he has the cutest smile in the world that is how he like hooked me lol. lol mhmm now the people that kno is like omg i kno who this guy is lol. any ways so like im tlkin to A at this moment and im kinda sad cuz like he knos i like him yet i kno he dont like me lol and he tells me about all these guys hes tlkin to and w.e. and idk why i still talk to him.

The reason why im really writeing this is cuz like i feel as if i wana be wid him but i could never and i wonder why cant i just let go lol. im a loss cause ewwwww. but yah ill write a few more blogs today lol cuz i been skippin